Happy Mother's Day!

Moms are amazing. I'm not just saying that because I am one. I say that because my mom and other moms around me have been such an influence in my life. I wanted to say happy Mother's Day to all of these amazing women who carry the title of mom. 

Too often we tend to mom shame each other. We are too quick to judge those who raise their children differently than we do and who don't surpass our expectations of what a mom should be. Maybe you're like me though and tend to compare yourself to other

moms. You feel less than adequate because your house isn't always clean, your children don't eat as healthy as you’d like, and your family seemingly has more issues than another family. Maybe you're jealous of how clean another mom’s car is, or you wish you be a great blogger mom. What I'm getting at is too often we not only shame other moms but we shame ourselves as well. We feel like we have to be these Pinterest perfect mothers and if we don't live up to these unreal expectations then we are just failures. If you’ve ever felt

like that raise your hand!  I was one of these moms. I thought I had to do everything that I saw on Pinterest. I saw these mom bloggers who have these amazing homes and who did amazing crafts with their kiddos. They give the impression that they do so much that appear to be a perfect mom. What I didn't realize, was they have to make everything look perfect for their blog, but In reality, there is just as much of a mess as I am.

 There is no such thing as a perfect mom. We all strive to be that. In the beginning, we say our children will never eat processed foods; but then our child decides that they're not going to eat anything. So, what do we do? We end up giving in and giving our

children whatever it is that they will eat to keep them alive. We say we're not going to going to give our children iPads or let them watch too much TV. But we end up allowing it because we need a break. We just need that 5-minute breather!! We become overworked and over stressed so we end up doing the things that we say we would never do. Are we bad moms because of it? Heck no! If anything, it makes us even better. Why? Because you cannot take care of your children if you cannot take care of yourself. And I know my husband is probably rolling his eyes at me right now because this is something he tells me all the time. Honestly though it's true.

Now, when you think of a mom, you usually think of someone who gave birth to their

children and are raising them. Right?! But moms come in so many different forms. Mother's Day isn’t just for the mom who gave birth to her child. Mother's Day is for those women who decided to step up. Mother's Day is for stepmoms, women who have lost their children due to unforeseen circumstances, women who have yet to give birth to a child because they are dealing with infertility issues and have lost children in the process, Mother's Day is for those women who are currently pregnant, those who have adopted into their life a child from another family, and those who have opened up their homes to foster children. Mother’s Day is also for those single men who don’t have a woman to be a mother figure to their children and are having to go it alone. They are having to play the role of mom and dad. These men are honorary mothers. Mother’s Day is also for those women playing the role of mommy and daddy as well. To all of these moms and honorary moms, I applaud you. The role of a mom is never easy. It comes with many ups and downs.

Being a special-needs mom, I know this to be true more than anyone. I want to give a special shout out to all of you special needs moms because it takes a special person to be able to go through all that we have to go through for our children. To watch our children, endure all of the medical issues they face, the surgeries, the doctors’ appointments, the therapies, and the heart ache that comes along with it because you just want your child to have a normal childhood. You special needs moms are so amazing and you give me inspiration and encouragement every day. A mom's heart is always full of love for her children. She fears for their safety, has pride for their accomplishments, and combats sadness for any sickness or hurt that may befall them. I wanted to say happy Mother's Day to all of my family members who are moms and also my friends. You truly are amazing moms, caregivers, peace keepers, and much much more. 

 I also wanted to give a shout out to three very special people in my life.

To my good friend, Victoria: 

I am amazed by you. Your strength, endurance and your ability to smile through the pain and tough journey has truly inspired and encouraged me. Not only are you extremely blessed to have that little boy in your life, but that little boy is extremely blessed to have you as his mommy. Through all of the loss and pain that you and your husband have to achieve your ultimate goal which was to have a child, you have kept your head high, a smile on your face, and hope in your heart. Your son's medical journey is sadly far from over, but you amaze me with how you handle each situation that arises. You truly are the best advocate for your child and I am so thankful that you and I are friends. I have learned so much from you and you have helped me in ways you cannot believe. I am so appreciative for all the help that you've given me with my daughter, and for all of the encouragement and support. I know this Mother's Day is extra special for you because it's your first Mother's Day with your baby boy. Since the time you lost that first baby you've always been a mom but I know you now truly feel like one. You have so much to celebrate this Mother's Day and with Cole turning one soon you will have so much more to celebrate. You have such an amazing little boy and I am truly happy for you and your family. I pray for you all every day. Happy Mother’s Day to a mom who has blessed my life and is my best friend.

To my mother in law Gail:

Thank you for raising such a wonderful son. I have been so blessed to have such a wonderful husband and best friend. He treats me like a queen and is an amazing father to our children. I know this is your first Mother's Day without your mom and it may be a hard one for you especially since her recent passing. I hope you take comfort though in knowing that you did an amazing job raising two wonderful children and are a wonderful mother and grandmother. My children are blessed to have you as their Nana. Happy Mother's Day Gail.

To my Mama:

I truly am blessed to have you as my mom. I am even more blessed to have you as my children's grandma. Every little girl grows up saying that they're not going to be like their mom. There is always something that moms do that their children frown upon and say “I'm not going to be like that”. I find myself each

day saying or doing things that you would do. I have to stop and laugh as I realize I became just like my mother and no this isn't a bad thing. I look at photos and think of how much I look like you. This is great because it just means that when I get to be your age (which is still really young!) I’m going to be just as gorgeous! Growing up you don't realize all the things that your mom does for you. All the things that she sacrificed (including her perfect body), all those sleepless nights up late worrying about you, all the pressure you're faced with to be the perfect mom, and just how scary it is to have children. My mom has helped me through my break ups, stayed up late at night studying with me to make sure I had every tool at my disposal to pass those tests, and always encouraged me to do my best. Even if I failed, at least I tried and gave it my all. My mom showed me what it means to have class, power through adversity, how to forgive, and how to love. She led by example, modeled what it meant to stick to your morals and showed me how a true lady is supposed to act.
     You become a young adult and start to think “when I have my children I'm going to do this for them because my mom never did this for me”. Yes, there may be things that I will do differently with my

children as we create our own traditions and such, but I realize that I never did without. I was blessed beyond reason. Now that I'm a mom I realize just how hard it is to be a mom. Making sure every holiday is memorable, starting and continuing family traditions, and the constant upkeep and cleaning up the house. I have to make sure my family is well fed, and my children are taught right from wrong. I have to do this all while dealing with the everyday stresses of life. That's just a small portion of what a mom does. I honestly don't know how you did it all. Our house was always clean, dinner made, laundry done, and everything else you

needed done was done even though you worked all day. I am so grateful for everything that you have done for Jonathan and I and that you still do for our family today. Thank you for always being a great role model for me, putting God first, and loving Jonathan and I unconditionally. Words can never express my gratitude. I wish I could be there to celebrate Mother's Day with you this year. Unfortunately, we have a whole country in between us. Please just know that I love you, am thinking of you, and am so appreciative. I hope I can be as amazing a mom as you are. Happy Mother's Day mom.

To all of you moms out there, Happy Mother's Day. You're probably going to have a lot of bad days and wish for those days to hurry up and be over so a new one can begin. Always look at the moments that are great and cherish them for they pass us by way too quickly. Let’s not mom shame other moms any more either. Instead, offer to help them out, build them up and celebrate them for all the hard work that they do.  And remember, you don't have to be perfect to be a perfect mom. You are amazing for who you are and what you do. Your children will always think that you're the perfect mom regardless.  Happy Mother's Day!!

Maddie gets an NG Tube

We have a very stubborn and strong willed three-year-old on our hands. It has been very difficult to help her gain the weight and eat/drink the needed daily calories. Let me give you a quick recap of our journey thus far. When Madison was born, she weighed 6lbs and 8oz. She lost a full pound within three days. She had a lot of gas pain, vomiting (which her Dr. associated to acid reflux) and was constantly being monitored for weight gain until age 1. We had changed bottles, formula, fed her with multiple burp breaks, and tried rice cereal to help her gain. Her Dr at the time kept dismissing our concerns and saying she was just being a small framed kid who had acid reflux. She would only drink 4-6 ounces a bottle feeding when she should have been drinking more than 8 in one sitting.

               

Fast forward to 1 ½ years of age. Her PCM retired and we were given a new one. This Dr

said she personally had all of the same issues with her daughter and diagnosed Madison as Failure to Thrive with Sensory Disorder. Madison started OT (Occupational Therapy) for feeding, was put on Pediasure 4 times a day and saw a Gastrointestinal Specialist. Madison’s GI required her to have a daily 1125 caloric intake. Her PCM agreed, but said we had to force Maddie to eat/drink those calories however we can. If that meant putting the Pediasure in a syringe and shoving it down her throat, then that was what we were supposed to do. This was absolutely horrible advice as it made her lose trust in us and elevated her Sensory Disorder and anxiety levels. Her PCM wanted her to eat whatever, she didn’t care what it was. She didn’t care if all Maddie was eating was junk food, as long as the calories were getting met. Upon being made to feel like a bad mother every time we went to a Dr’s appointment and her Dr threatening to put Maddie in a hospital for a while until she gained weight (not to mention the horrible advice and making matters worse), we decided it was time to change PCM’s. The new PCM was amazing and told us to just keep doing what we were doing as Madison was slowly gaining weight. She even made it onto the growth chart at 1%.

                We recently moved to Virginia from California for my husband’s work. This brought about a whole new set of Dr’s and specialists. Her current PCM doesn’t want to touch the issue much and refers to the GI for all of Maddie’s weight gain and eating issues. For a few months, we were doing fine with everything and the GI liked Maddie’s progress. He said we were to keep doing what was currently working and if things were to get worse or she started losing weight, then we would reevaluate. Christmas week came around and a horrible virus took a hold of our house. Sadly, Madison who has a weak immune system as it is, obtained this virus that makes kids vomit a lot and not keep much down. For two and a half weeks she vomited nightly with a few day time episodes. By the 27^th we were really concerned. She had visibly lost weight, couldn’t keep anything down and was showing signs of dehydration and acted lethargic. We quickly made the decision to take her to the ER that night. While there, I demanded multiple tests to be done that we had been waiting and dancing around with GI. They did CAT scans to rule out brain tumor (which could explain her behavior with some of vomiting on normal nights), urinalysis, blood work, nose and throat cultures, sonograms and x-rays. All tests came back normal thankfully. Although, we wished we had an answer as to why she never ate and vomited on some nights for no reason so we could fix said problems.

   

             We saw her GI Dr. the following week and he decided it was time. Time for the dreaded NG tube. The very thing we were trying to avoid. So, we took her into the hospital later that week to be admitted and have the NG tube placed. For those of you who don’t have experience with or know what an NG Tube is, it’s a tube that is placed directly into the stomach through the way of the nose. This enables you to place liquid foods, medications and drinks directly into the stomach bypassing the mouth. She had the tube placed and was miserable. They gave her a size 10 French. This size is basically an adult size. Imagine your iPhone charger cord placed in a child’s nose. That is exactly the diameter of the 10 French. The tube filled her nostril and she could feel it in her throat. She hated it. Honestly, I didn’t blame her. She did very well with the feeds (what they call it when they place food/drink in her tube during a certain amount of time) but had issues with the tube. We fought and complained to have them downsize the tube before we were released. We told the staff that we were not leaving until they found and placed a smaller tube for her. Which, low and behold, they miraculously found a smaller tube, placed it and discharged us two days after being admitted. Maddie was still miserable for a few days and had a sore throat.

           Dr’s don’t tell you all the things that associate itself with procedures or treatments such as this. They didn’t tell us that Madison would lose all trust in us, would develop a fear of blankets (they wrapped her in one to place the tube), would refuse baths, and would have issues with lying down or putting her head on her pillow. It has taken some time but she has learned to trust us again and now does all the things she used to. She has thankfully gained back all the weight she lost when sick and is doing amazing with the tube. She is still having issues when it comes to having the tape changed on her cheek but no longer wants to vomit while we are changing it. When they say kids are resilient, they aren’t kidding. This kid is pretty much back to her old self. We don’t know how long she will have the tube but hopefully it won’t be for long. We are praying she gains quite a bit of weight with it to reach that healthy weight goal and remove the Failure to Thrive title.

                Having the tube placed has helped in so many ways. We no longer have to count or worry

about daily caloric intake (whereas every day was so stressful to try to get her to eat and drink the calories to meet the daily goal). We can also focus on making meals fun again instead of it being a hostage negotiation. We implemented a few new rules, got rid of most of the junk foods she relied on, and are getting her to eat/try new foods. She is doing amazing with it. She now eats mac and cheese again, started eating apples, grapes, tried broccoli, found out she likes scrambled eggs, will eat bananas if made to, and eats/drinks fruit pouches daily. I know we will still have our ups and downs with this but I am grateful that we are making great strides.

                We have been trying to get her into OT out here but sadly all of the offices for OT are booked and have a long wait list. For now, we are continuing with the NG tube and new meal rules. I pray all this is behind us soon and we can have normal stress free meal times with a little girl who is a healthy weight. In place of OT I have decided to do my own OT sessions with Maddie. We play with food, talk about food, have her help cook/bake, and have her help grocery shop. I have also made a meal chart for each month. Each day of the week she has a specific meal for the whole month. Ex:  

Each Monday for January- PB&J Sandwiches, grapes, and pretzels. Each Tuesday- Mac and cheese, carrots with ranch, strawberries, and a cookie.

She gets the meals repeated weekly to try them and familiarize herself with them and then change the following month. She is already trying new foods and liking them! She has asked for her junk foods and has quickly realized that we are not giving her what she wants. What we place in front of her is what she will eat. Hostage negotiation handled and over. LolThank you to all of our family and friends for all of your support, prayers and concerns for our family. We would not be able to overcome all of this or manage its stresses without you. We have so many friends who have offered advice and tips on Madison’s situation that have proven to be exactly what we needed. We are forever grateful to all of you and love you even more for it. Thank you!